Oh Man...

I cannot even believe myself. I'm such an idiot.

So, I had a drunk post on here which I deleted because I don't really want to remember it. But, Thursday night (or Friday early morning) I had a conversation online with Kyle. Long story short, I got really upset to the point of everything sucking in my life (the Domino Effect, if you will) so I decided to drink by myself. I normally don't drink a lot, seriously. I get mildly buzzed and leave it at that. But, this time, I drank a pint of Bacardi 03, then proceeded to take swigs of Jagermeister...all in the span of an hour. I guess I was finally loud enough (I had music blaring) that Christopher came up the stairs. He said I was hysterical, throwing stuff around my room...and things got fuzzy after that. Krupa finally came home and they called the ambulance. I remember some of that. I was in my bathroom crying out to Christopher and Krupa. Again, I don't remember anything after that...I don't remember the ambulance ride or getting put into the hospital. I just remember coming to. I vomited a couple times on the floor. I had an IV in my hand. I guess it was around one o'clock? There was an ISU counselor there apparently because I have an appointment Monday with them. It is because they think I was suicidal, which I remember becoming. I honestly don't want to kill myself, but I know I was hysterical and raving about it.

I just can't believe the night turned out that way. I had to call into work of course. I am not too happy about that because I'm sure everybody at work is wondering why I was in the hospital. I don't want to say, "because I drank by myself because I hate my life." Andrew called me to see what happened to me, and also had some interesting information. I guess some people went out to lunch with Andi and ended up talking about Andrew and I in front of her which is NOT a good thing. I don't really remember who it was. But I'm really not happy about this. Especially if they do it in front of Andi. I don't want it to get to the point where Andrew and I can't even hang out at all. That will just give me another reason to be sad. I feel like I'm losing everything.

Christopher wants to talk about "us". I'm not ready to do that either. I still feel a bit hung over. I have so much homework to do too. I haven't done homework in over a week. My life can fall apart so damn fast. I guess I'm going to have to work that much harder to get it back.

But I'm really not happy to talk to a counselor. I hate them.

Comments

Phoex said…
I'm glad you're feeling better, I was pretty worried :/ I had another friend do the "drunk and upset" thing before, and it did lead to a whole suicide thing, sO I'm really glad you were only just upset.

to fess up, how it went down was thus (and I do feel pretty guilty about it):

I was having lunch with Rebecca & Andi, and Rebecca made some comment about Drew to which I replied, "Yeah, well I'm not really happy with him right now," and I mentioned the fact that he had brought up having sex in my bathroom. That really bothered me that he would even think it's acceptable to do that. I'm still trying to decide how I want to broach the subject with him...

Anyway, Rebecca said "with who?" and when I didn't say anything, she said Ashley?, and I gave in and said yes.

Yes, it was in front of Andi, but you had said she already knew.

So I do feel like an ass about the whole thing, I'm sorry.
February 3, 2007 at 6:36 PM
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