The Never Ending Hangover

Yeah. I still feel like shit.

Last night I lost my voice but I got it back today. My head still hurts a shitload and my stomach is still a bit upset. Slowly, I am recovering. My friends were real nice to me. They brought over flowers and a couple cute gifts. I sort of felt like I didn't deserve it, that real sick people do. I guess it depends on your view.

I really really do not want to talk to that ISU counselor tomorrow. Damn it.

So I have been hanging out with my friends Sarah, Krupa, and Kathy. We went to the ISU vs Bradley game last night. It was way too loud for my head so I sort of didn't enjoy myself. After that is when I lost my voice and felt like shit for the rest of the night. Today we bummed around and watched the Super Bowl. Bears lost. I'm indifferent about it.

Christopher and I did have our talk. He thinks we should remain friends, especially after my huge breakdown. It really sucks to see him this hurt. I mean, it is almost like he has nobody. He doesn't really have any friends here at ISU. He said after he dropped me off at the hospital and I was knocked out, he went back to the apartment to clean up the shit I threw around, and he cried. I am really afraid to give myself to any other person now for fear of treating them like shit and hurting them. I do love Christopher a lot, but I'm no good for him. I can't stay faithful and I can't stay sane. I really truly am single now...it is kind of hard to believe. I have nobody now as well. After everything with people talking at work, I'm sure I have lost Andrew now too (but did I ever really have him?).

I could have really died with that alcohol poisoning. Would things have been better then?

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