Slide Off The Moon

Oh yes, I'm doing far too much of this. Things I cannot get over, but hopefully will soon. I have dumb insecurities that also bother me, like my weight. And then hating my job again makes me feel like at Border's whenever I'd get bitched at for dumb things and then they wouldn't advance me even though I'm a damn good worker. Is my ego too big in that area? Do I actually suck or come off bad like people think I do? Maybe I should be a lazy jackass like everybody else who magically gets ahead. Then I feel dumb and taken advantage of. Only got $100 for the car. Long story. Too high and lazy to go through. But I should have gotten more for it and I'm pissed that I didn't push for that. I'm a dumbass. So I came home angry and got really high to deal. God I'm so happy I found shit here. I don't know where I'd be without it. I hope things go well with my Payless people I hang with. I don't need to keep flying through friends so mu...

I don't really think I'm happy about anything at the moment. I'm OK, but mainly I still have "blah" hanging all over me. James and I had a fight, and thanks to my buddy alcohol, I probably had a lot more rage bubble up than I normally would have. I wasn't drunk, but I was buzzed at least. I had enough to where the "downer" part of alcohol kicked in. It wasn't over anything serious...well, kind of. James just is not the best communicator in the world. He's too damn worried about upsetting me, since I have depression I suppose, that he just doesn't tell me anything negative. Like, how are we supposed to work on issues, especially ones he has with me, if I don't even know about them? Men are fucking idiots. Another blah thing is that I'm missing out on seeing my friends graduate. If I did show up, I might have felt pathetic. Like, the loser friend who didn't graduate watching all her other successful friends make someth...