Slide Off The Moon

​ I’ve gladly felt this silk before Cocoon of crimson covered canopy I sink, I rise, in atrophy I’m a cooled coffee cup on a Tuesday twilight  You’re a sunny spot windowsill when the timing is right I’ll invite you in in one no-clip And you’ll leave my soul, a sad-tidings slip I’m a breath untaken  I violent mistake and I’m choking you all… I’m choking you

​I fucking hate myself I’m a disease I’m merely a trauma filled sack of fat that is just kicked around Unheard. Not believed. Known only for My worst moments and none of my good Am I even good? Am I truly awful? I must fucking be. I must. I must pool this black ick around me, pulling others in reluctantly to the point they must kick and claw at me, then turn around and push me under until I suffocate.  I deserve it.  I can’t do life anymore. I mean it. I really do. I wanna get through this weekend, take the girls to one more show, have fun with Sarah once more, come home, pass the kids back off to that piece of shit Monday night, and let go.  I can’t fight with one more person. I can’t do it. I can’t stand it anymore. At work, at home, it’s everywhere. I never do anything right or say anything right and I come out feeling misunderstood and demonized until I believe it. I believe it. I do now. I see it. I am. It’s all my fault  it is  I’m bad person and I’m horri...

Useless. Burden. Broken. Unwanted.  Unremarkable. Mediocre. Ugly. Fat. Failure.  Lonely. Forgettable. Lazy. Pathetic.  Stupid. Selfish. Weak. Difficult. Annoying.  I will be an inconvenience for a week or two.  Then life resumes. School still goes on. Jobs get worked.  The soil will swallow me and I won’t matter at all in death either. Not one bit.  Nothingness. Bring me nothing. No time. No thoughts. No pain.  An unlovable lump inside your throat. I’ll be removed. Sorry for the space I occupied. For the time I wasted. For the way I wasn’t easy. For the pain I brought. For everything. So pitiful was I. What silly dreams I had.  Will anybody actually mourn? Care about my things? My thoughts? Breathe my scent on left behind clothing? Say kind things? Or will it be like my father, dumpsters filled, smallest headstone bought and never visited enough? My pain too great to do him any honor.  I’m worthless and a burden. Of course not.  I h...

​ Tell me what you’re chasin’ Because the night’ll never give you what you want And if you can’t escape it I hope you find whatever you’ve been looking for I’m still here Remember me I keep swingin’ my hand through a swarm of bees ’cause I want honey on my table I’m tired of the way that I’m feeling It’s never ending, but I can’t let you go I’d die in my sleep To live in your arms And I’d stay trapped in this dream Don’t ring that alarm Where do I fit? I don’t belong I wanna ruin all my plans I want a fist around my throat I wanna cry so hard I choke I want everything I asked for We make plans for good times All neon, all surface So kiss me before It all gets complicated I’ve got a taste for blood I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just someone to blame And I’m a monster on the hill Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city Pierced through the heart but never killed One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving And life will lose all its meaning Chew me up and spit me out ‘...

​now I’m home Now I’m back into my body And what brought me back Is this tar pit I can’t escape  Happiness made me feel not real And the call of the void brought me back So why would I ever leave again When I know you will? Obliterate me

​I would have died