Addictive Dependant
I'm too afraid of fucking up things with Travis to enjoy this at all. I'm so paranoid of being hurt. I feel like it will not work out. I don't think I'll ever fall in love. I don't think I am lovable. As I told Ryan, I don't think anybody would, or could, look at the real me and love it. I just fucking hate myself. My life is nowhere where I want it to be. It is a fucking shithole. It's falling apart and I don't even know why I bother picking up the pieces. I have some stupid small hope that I'll fall in love, get married, find God again and have a happy-go-lucky financially comfortable life. I thought I could have that with Travis. He is successful, graduating, getting great jobs, but I am just so afraid. I don't even know what to do. He's so quiet nowadays that I feel stupid when I talk to him...like I'm some damn annoying dog who is barking and scratching at the door while the family inside rolls their eyes and yells, ...