Slide Off The Moon

I am indeed a greedy cruel-hearted bitch. Well, not completely. So. Anna turned down Clayton's date. She wanted to make it a group thing but told him that she wasn't interested in dating. Pretty much what I knew was going to happen and what I warned him of happening. I don't know. I was happy at the news because it meant he was still single. On the other hand, I'm also happy because Anna is awesome and all, but I don't trust her. She doesn't seem grounded. She seems to enjoy attention too much and that makes me weary of her faithfulness. I want better for him. I want him to be with me, but since that will not happen, I just want somebody who I can get along with great and who I can entrust his heart to. So, I guess I'm not really that greedy. I still dream and hope for him, but I'm not so blind that I can't see what the truth is and how things are going to be in real life. Things with Nick are looking better. He finally talked to me. He...

This is for you, Ryan, so you stop complaining. Grr. Um, went to see the Foo Fighters yesterday. That was real fun. What wasn't fun was the drive home. I had to go around 40-55 mph so I wouldn't spin out. It only took 3 hours to get back. I have an annoying cough thing plus a raspy voice. This has been going on since Thursday. Oh! I had a date Saturday with a guy I met at Theresa's party named Nick. He is in the Gamma Phi Circus with Kaytie. I don't know. It was nice, he seems like an amazing guy...but I still have feelings for Clayton. I just need to get over Clayton like everybody says I should. So, I go on dates. Nick is pretty quiet as of now, so I'm not really diggin' that. Maybe he'll open up more. I sure hope so. Clayton is currently upset because a girl he is interested in, Anna, is not interested in him. So for the past couple days he has been brooding. In one way I want to kick her fucking ass for not answering his calls, but on t...

Clayton wrote at 4:05pm I hate you, can you move out this weekend? Clayton wrote at 11:43pm I'm just kiddin. I'm really gonna deadbolt your door from the outside so you can never leave. Ashley wrote at 12:28am :) Only if you are in my room with me, cause there is no point in staying here if I cannot see you.

So. Single again as of February 2nd. He finally ignored me enough that I threw up my hands and said, "fuck this." I pretty much did that when I cheated on him with Dan, but I know once that happens that the relationship is not meant to work out anyways. I really feel like a damn fool. I think he was into me, and I really felt like he was a lot, and then it just faded...as if he was like, "thanks for the fling, whore!" I'm going to be so doubtful of everything I encounter from now on. Realistically, I'll probably just get all stupid excited again only to be crushed in disappointment later. I guess in some areas I'm improving. I do my homework more. I attend classes for the most part. I haven't really fallen behind in one of my classes so badly that I cannot get back into it. I just have to remain careful and attentive for the rest of the semester. I desperately need to get my ass out of here. I am accomplishing more everyday things I need...