Slide Off The Moon

​I should have ended it when I wanted to.  Why am I still here Suffering. Monotony. No plan for my life.  Same pain, maybe different shape, but still fits into the circle.  I feel like I’m never understood. My words taken and rearranged, listener chooses the meaning and hands me the bill.  So defeated. I don’t want to keep getting back up again.  White flag.  I’ll leave everybody alone. I will be a quiet cog and keep turning.  Do my due diligence to my chosen offspring and then offload myself from this hellscape.  White flag. The quest for meaning and love a fruitless one. I’m too damaged. 

​ I’ve gladly felt this silk before Cocoon of crimson covered canopy I sink, I rise, in atrophy I’m a cooled coffee cup on a Tuesday twilight  You’re a sunny spot windowsill when the timing is right I’ll invite you in in one no-clip And you’ll leave my soul, a sad-tidings slip I’m a breath untaken  I violent mistake and I’m choking you all… I’m choking you

​I fucking hate myself I’m a disease I’m merely a trauma filled sack of fat that is just kicked around Unheard. Not believed. Known only for My worst moments and none of my good Am I even good? Am I truly awful? I must fucking be. I must. I must pool this black ick around me, pulling others in reluctantly to the point they must kick and claw at me, then turn around and push me under until I suffocate.  I deserve it.  I can’t do life anymore. I mean it. I really do. I wanna get through this weekend, take the girls to one more show, have fun with Sarah once more, come home, pass the kids back off to that piece of shit Monday night, and let go.  I can’t fight with one more person. I can’t do it. I can’t stand it anymore. At work, at home, it’s everywhere. I never do anything right or say anything right and I come out feeling misunderstood and demonized until I believe it. I believe it. I do now. I see it. I am. It’s all my fault  it is  I’m bad person and I’m horri...