Slide Off The Moon

In a Pub downtown No, two blocks ago There were men, two And conversation that flowed But not from my lips Or eyes or from hands From their partners pursuation And a joke over a band That I made play But now staring out The light and street I must move about Find more to do Because this Pub, two Blocks far from misery Feeling bored from you

The draw of a powerful and deep conversation renews repressed and controlled thoughts, feelings, desires. We spoke of loneliness and of dealing with it...rather, not dealing with it. His repression through outward liveliness, mine of inner torment and extroverted pain. For him, it began with a visual cue of cute interaction at a masquerade. A beautiful face, body language reaching and leaning with unintentional suggestive ideas. These ideas spawned a hesitant dialogue. Of course, it was about another girl...could I hear it? Could I? For the pathetic moment of feeling needed, yes. He told of unrequited love, or rather, lust. The enjoyment of their interactions, her looks, his need of filling the gap. The whole time thinking... I can be that for you. I could fill the void. I need you the way you want to be needed. After a glance in the mirror, I reminded myself why that could not be.

Blase: well it could be better by the fact that i don't have tests up the ass but besides that all is good Ashley: Yah, I don't appreciate tests in my ass either. Blase: yeah ouch imagine the paper cuts Ashley: haha Ashley: gross Blase: hey now u brought it to that point Ashley: I know. Ashley: teehee Blase: old butt cut ashley they call her

I should be studying for my politics test. Instead, I will blog at length. Maybe. I'll just go over recent thoughts of mine...concerns...happenings. I don't believe I wrote in here before...wait I did. Yeah, that I had sex with Dan. Well, a month ago we did and then recently, the early hours of the 30th and the early hours of the 7th we did again. I knew both times would happen. There's a sort of chemistry between us that is quiet but apparent when not intoxicated. When intoxicated, it radiates and teases. We play this childish hide-n-go-seek game where we keep our doors slightly ajar and the lights on...a hint of where we hide, wondering who will find the other first. When one of us is seen, we pretend around and look for an opening. Then it is kissing, passionate, desperate, seeking who-knows-what. I must admit, I love to make him sigh. I love that his mouth never leaves me. I love the fire in his eyes. I also enjoy being on top. We also have not used protect...

I don't even have the energy to blog anymore. It seems like a lot of work to me. My classes are getting that way also. I'm starting to stumble and fall...letting the other students run past me in the college marathon while I get trampled. I'm hoping that I get a second wind. Right now though, it doesn't look promising. I don't think I'll ever get through college. So lonely. In 4 months, it will be a year since I've had a boyfriend. This is beyond me.