Slide Off The Moon

Bored in the library. Tired of waiting for Krupa. So I'm blogging thoughts. Nothing more to say about the relationship end of things. Still haven't seen or talked to Christopher. I decided to go ahead and make my status "single" on facebook and myspace, as if that really matters. Oh well. Today was an all right day. I finally went to class, but it was boring as hell again. Afterwords I just wandered around campus, deposited money into my account, bought some much-needed books, hung out with Marcus. Poor Marcus. I'd really like to talk to him about his Krupa situation, but unless he brings it up, I'll remain silent about the matter. I know it is a difficult one and not really my place to say anything, though I think he could use a sensible friend to talk to about it. Love...such a difficult thing in your twenties. Everybody's getting married, having kids, getting careers or jobs until they get careers...truly is a coming of age moment.

Not really. I thought I would be more depressed about all of this, but I think it hasn't hit me yet. I'm not really looking forward to when it does. Perhaps it is because of an awesome phone call last night. Krupa and I were looking up airplane tickets for our trip to Italy. While we were doing that, Stephen was IMing me and I asked him about his conversation with Andrew after Amy's party. Andrew has mentioned talking to Stephen then. Stephen said that Andrew said we had a "thing" and that he (Andrew) couldn't figure me out. So I texted Andrew saying, "You told Stephen! Sheesh!" Andrew called me back, which I was shocked about. He sounded really groggy, but, go figure, he was just drinking. After about two hours, I felt a hell of a lot better. He told me what he thought about it all, why he liked me, and I told him what I was thinking and why I've been quiet. Some of what he said I don't really believe. Mainly just the, "You...

I skipped all of my classes today. I just got up and thought of everything being pointless. Why go to class? Why go to work? Is any of this crap even worth it? How could I be treating Christopher like this after everything...after being in love with him not so long ago. How can a person fall out of love so fast? It's because of HIM. Ever since flirting at work, gossip of him possibly liking me (and me not believing that, of course), I was hooked. Like, I didn't like him, and I'm still not hooked because of my own personal insecurities. I mean, he is a good looking man. But I knew if he ever pushed it, or ever wanted to do anything, I would. I didn't care if he was my boss (one of them, anyways). And so, we hooked up, a couple times. I wasn't going to say no. And now, I fucked up everything with Christopher. I fucked up things with him because of Andrew. I mean, it is a fun fling, but seriously, nothing will become of it, which I'm aware of and fine...

(01:46:54) Ashley: You can't talk to me but you can run off to be online? (01:47:03) Ashley: Good to know what your priorities are. (01:47:14) My Love: Yes, I was checking email before I go to bed, how terrible. (01:47:36) My Love: And it doesn't seem like talking because you just turn everything into another example of how I've failed you. (01:48:16) Ashley: So instead of trying to listen to me to hear what I am feeling or what is wrong, you wallow in how bad you feel and run away when it gets bad. Well let me spare you the hurt. I'll take my space now. (01:48:31) My Love: Yes, like that. (01:48:38) Ashley: Obviously I'm too messed up to be in a relationship now. (01:48:53) Ashley: All I do anymore is make people feel like crap. (01:49:00) Ashley: So I'll be alone. (01:49:10) My Love: You're not going to be alone, Princess. (01:49:18) Ashley: Like hell I'm not. (01:49:41) Ashley: No coming up to talk to me either. (01:49:45) Ashley: You can stay down ...