Slide Off The Moon

Next door the old flame slowly simmers unnecessarily and wrongly. When will the jealousy die out? It should be me. It should not be, also. And now? We present pathetic drunk attempts at anything.

Sometime during the evening, an unnoticed and unrecorded time, things began to make no sense so much that sense was made. There was nothing left here to lead her on. A love taking her hand and beckoning, "come, see what happens." There was no solid financial support to ensure that her path will not be cluttered and unmanageable. Like a familiar, wonderful television series that exhausted interesting plot line possibilities, it was time to go before things worsened. The clarity warmed over her and there was no fearful uncertainty. She thought about the people who might care. There were some friends who even told her how much pain they'd go through if she died. But that was unstoppable. Actually, it brought her greedy pleasure to know this. Nobody ever cares until you are dying, until you are gone or threaten to be. With so many happy, content people in the world, it was so unfair to not have received a portion of her share. Where was the completely trustworthy ...

Been researching suicide more often. I think I'm going to start on a note. I really don't have anything to live for. The same old things are the only things I see coming: debt, loneliness, betrayal, pain. I think I'd finish off more with gusto if I were just to die now. I wish there was some magical death pill I could take, go to sleep, and that is it. Being a chicken of pain is the only thing keeping me alive. I wish I wanted to die much more.