Winding Down
I was trying to think of a clever title for this post upon a blog that I rarely touch anymore. Instead of song titles or parts of lyrics, I just thought of a way to describe how I'm feeling. Physically I feel heavy, like a unmovable lump. Back pain. Wet eyes. Heavy chest with crushed breathing. Emotionally I feel failure. Painful--unbelievably hurtful--painful loneliness and abandonment. Hopeless. Discontent. Angry. Overall I feel that my life day-to-day has become pointless, trudging toward nothingness. I work and when I do not, I slump around this apartment in an annoying, pathetic sedentary way. I gain weight, I complain about it, I do nothing to change it. I'm reverting back to high school days of weight gain, friend loss, and much anger and depression. I'm even thinking about taking up scratching/cutting again just for the fuck of it. Except this is much worse of a feeling I had than before. Because now I have the day-to-day horrible people I must deal...