We Will Run Backwards

OK. I really have to think if life is worth living anymore. I really have to think about this. To live or die?

It's just logical now. No more riding on emotions. Facts.

You will be broke Ashley. You will fuck up any and all relationships in your life whether it be romantic or friendships. Have you had any friend lasting more than four years? No. Do you really try to keep in contact with your family or express your love? No.

I'm thinking a nice long cut along my leg would be nice...the blood....punishment. Stupid girl. You are ugly and fat. He could never love your fat disgusting ass. You fucking fool. You would break his heart and you know it. You'd fuck the first guy that came along and offered it to you. Yes you would. Then you'd have to leave him. His friends would mock him...fat girlfriend...fat stupid girl with emotional problems. Ha. And your mother?? LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING MOTHER! That is your future, you know. That is why you should die. Divorces...bad bad treatment of your children...fucking anything that came your way again.

Can't breathe. Blood will make me breathe. Is this a panic attack?

Gonna go smoke. Smoking will be better.

Comments

Phoex said…
Grr... I wrote this whole huge diatribe on why you should live, how you're not fat, and how being fat or broke is not a reason to kill yourself anyway, but then I realized how stupid it all sounded. I think you know all this already (if only because I have told you before) and probably don't need me all repeating it. Anyway, I do care about you, and did want to at least say something. Oh and also to not get worried about the no long lasting friendships. Ryan's the only friend I've had more than four years, and he is something of a fluke (interweb friendships are decidedly different from regular ones). Plus, at a certain age (our age) you do lose a lot of friends because you lost all your high school friends when you hit college and the same happens again during/after college as people graduate.

So... err.. it still ended up being a long diatribe. I appologize.
June 16, 2007 at 11:00 PM
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