Do You Remember?



Today I'm going to the Student Health Services so I can find out why I keep getting nauseated. I wouldn't really go, although I should, but work needs a note. You know, I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only person at work who gets hell for leaving/calling in. It's bullshit, that's what it is. I don't even really enjoy working there anymore. I should just quit before they get the chance to fire me over something real stupid. I can almost guarantee it will be something dumb. I got written up for drinking soda water before paying for it. I put it right in the open too so they knew it wasn't like I was sneaking it around. I did enjoy my job there, so it isn't like I would jeopardize it over something dumb as soda water.

So, two nights ago, Saturday night, Clayton and I went to the Pub II. (not the reason I went home early from work, mind you) Long story short, we both drank a lot, came home, he got naked on our living room floor, I passed out beside him, and when I came-to, we were kissing. I don't know if I started and don't remember or if I fell asleep and he did, who knows. But we were making out--God he is a great kisser--and I started giving him head. He sits up, says he has to use the bathroom, comes back and sits on the couch and asks me when I have to go to work. I figured he came to his senses and didn't want to go any further with me. So I went to my room and cried because I felt so damn stupid. Of course he didn't want anything to do with me.

The next morning I thought he was being awkward around me because of it so last night I brought it up. "So, did you want to talk about what happened last night or are you content in pretending like nothing happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"What happened. Do you remember?"

"No."

He didn't even fucking remember. He only remembers leaving the Pub II, nothing after. I had to tell him what happened and he apologized and said he didn't want to be making out with his roommate, which I said is dumb but whatever.

God, I'm so tired...so damn tired of being men's drunk fuck buddy. Am I desirable to anybody sober? I guess when it really comes down to it, I am just tired of Clayton only being able to bring himself to touch me when his brain is swimming in alcohol.

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