Realistic Updates
Since I haven't really written anything substantial since like July, I figured I should get on it.
Let's see...after that July post, I kept being torn about what to do with myself, the James and Matt situation, etc. Right before I flew back in September to visit everybody, Matt and I broke up. I had enough of our fighting and I just wasn't in love with him. But I had fun seeing all my friends again. But I also had a bad time cause Sam told me about Jennifer cheating on him and I got caught in the middle of it that night. I held Sam as he cried on my shoulder about it. The rest of my stay was hard cause of Dad still being upset about my leaving. So I got high the whole time I was home to block it out. I had a breakdown driving back to LaSalle after leaving Jennifer and Sam's place cause Dad was being a jerk again. I had to call Sarah to calm myself down. It was bad. Everything I had been trying to keep down just overflowed.
After that I flew back to Hawaii and had to deal with Matt post-break-up. I thought we'd either work things out or I'd just pack all my shit up and come home for good. But he turned ugly and wanted me gone for good. So I moved in with Cheryl. I was either going to save up and send myself home or try things with James since Matt was being such a dick. I could care less how he felt after the way he treated me. So James stayed with me a lot and eventually we found our own place in Waipahu. I had to get out of living with Cheryl. She's a nice person, but man, her fights with Matt (her husband) were awkward to be around. Plus, she was sick like every other day and I was running short on sympathy.
But before we found a place, Sam died on Halloween. I started off that day sort of excited. James had duty but I was going to keep Cheryl company during trick-or-treating and just watch Halloween crap on TV. Around noon, Heather called and told me that Sam had shot himself in the head and that I needed to fly home asap. At first I just sat there quiet on the phone and thought, "Huh. He did it cause of Jen." I told Heather ok, I would, and that I'd ask James if he could help me fly home. Then I hung up and started to go up the stairs, crying, to tell Cheryl. Then I broke down and freaked out. She took me on base to see James and I told him and kept sobbing. My mom called to tell me Jennifer had found Sam and she is hospitalized because she is hysterical.
So James got leave and we flew home for the week. I tried to relax before the funeral by taking James to see Starved Rock and showing him around my home. Then the funeral came. I sat in the front row with Carli and Levi. I don't want to get into too many details, just that it was really hard to watch the kids deal with it. Carli didn't have much of an idea what was happening, Levi was just mute, and Sabrina varied between crying and acting like things were fine. I finally decided to talk to Mom again too. I just gave up on it. I still don't trust her, I don't see her as a motherly figure in my life, but I'll say hi and speak with her now. It's a small step, but it made Grandma and Grandpa happy.
When we got back we moved into Waipahu, I started my job with Payless, and we bought Buffy and Dawn. It was kind of crazy busy when I got back so I felt like I didn't really have time to take a breath and deal with Sam's death. I took it out on James a little bit, but thankfully he's a wonderful man and understood. We went to his boat's Christmas Party where I also got to talk to Matt and kind of make-up with him too. He still barely talks to me though, but at least we were able to discuss what happened. James and I won a trip to Maui at that party too which we are going to take at the end of March.
We spent Christmas in Washington with his family. Our fist weekend we stayed at the Coeur d'Alene. It is a spa resort. It was wonderful. We got a couple's massage, facials, manicure and pedicures, and an eyebrow wax. I loved being there. It was what I needed. I got sick our last day at the resort so the rest of the vacation I spent coughing and sneezing. I was embarrassed. But he said his family liked me a lot so that's good.
New Years I went to Pearl Harbor with James since he had duty and we tried watching the fireworks though all the smoke from fireworks going off everywhere on the island.
January I spent primarily alone. James was underway for most of it. So he decided to send a friend out. I tried to get Sarah to come but she couldn't so, on a spur of the moment idea, I asked my friend Ashley to come. I met her at Lincoln College and I hadn't got to hang out or talk to her too much since then. We were chatting online and I asked her since I hadn't seen her in forever and I thought it would be fun.
I don't really want to get into too much detail, but long story short: she came with "next to no money" she claimed, and didn't offer to split any restaurant bills, help with gas, nothing. She just sat there and expected me to pay for everything even though James and I offered her a free flight and provided a place to stay. However, she did buy herself a shirt and wanted to get stuff from Border's, but she couldn't pay for her own meals or anything? Right. So I felt very used and hurt. She barely talked to me after I said I'd fly her here and she hasn't spoken to me since she left either. Great friend, right?
So I'm done with her same as I was after Krupa used me. I'm done with trash like that. If Ashley didn't have much money, she shouldn't have accepted my offer OR she could have warned me and asked if I could help her out. But she didn't warn me, she didn't ask, and she didn't say thanks.
Anyways. Things are going good now. James and I found a new place to live in Hawaii Kai. It is in a safer area, BEAUTIFUL, and I'm going to be closer to work. James leaves in May-ish for his 6 month Westpac, so I figured I might as well be close to work since he isn't here and we don't need to live near the base.
Well, that's about it. My butt is getting numb from sitting at the computer for so long so I'm going to go hang out with Buffy and Dawn and Amy (our pet rat!). Bonsoir!
Let's see...after that July post, I kept being torn about what to do with myself, the James and Matt situation, etc. Right before I flew back in September to visit everybody, Matt and I broke up. I had enough of our fighting and I just wasn't in love with him. But I had fun seeing all my friends again. But I also had a bad time cause Sam told me about Jennifer cheating on him and I got caught in the middle of it that night. I held Sam as he cried on my shoulder about it. The rest of my stay was hard cause of Dad still being upset about my leaving. So I got high the whole time I was home to block it out. I had a breakdown driving back to LaSalle after leaving Jennifer and Sam's place cause Dad was being a jerk again. I had to call Sarah to calm myself down. It was bad. Everything I had been trying to keep down just overflowed.
After that I flew back to Hawaii and had to deal with Matt post-break-up. I thought we'd either work things out or I'd just pack all my shit up and come home for good. But he turned ugly and wanted me gone for good. So I moved in with Cheryl. I was either going to save up and send myself home or try things with James since Matt was being such a dick. I could care less how he felt after the way he treated me. So James stayed with me a lot and eventually we found our own place in Waipahu. I had to get out of living with Cheryl. She's a nice person, but man, her fights with Matt (her husband) were awkward to be around. Plus, she was sick like every other day and I was running short on sympathy.
But before we found a place, Sam died on Halloween. I started off that day sort of excited. James had duty but I was going to keep Cheryl company during trick-or-treating and just watch Halloween crap on TV. Around noon, Heather called and told me that Sam had shot himself in the head and that I needed to fly home asap. At first I just sat there quiet on the phone and thought, "Huh. He did it cause of Jen." I told Heather ok, I would, and that I'd ask James if he could help me fly home. Then I hung up and started to go up the stairs, crying, to tell Cheryl. Then I broke down and freaked out. She took me on base to see James and I told him and kept sobbing. My mom called to tell me Jennifer had found Sam and she is hospitalized because she is hysterical.
So James got leave and we flew home for the week. I tried to relax before the funeral by taking James to see Starved Rock and showing him around my home. Then the funeral came. I sat in the front row with Carli and Levi. I don't want to get into too many details, just that it was really hard to watch the kids deal with it. Carli didn't have much of an idea what was happening, Levi was just mute, and Sabrina varied between crying and acting like things were fine. I finally decided to talk to Mom again too. I just gave up on it. I still don't trust her, I don't see her as a motherly figure in my life, but I'll say hi and speak with her now. It's a small step, but it made Grandma and Grandpa happy.
When we got back we moved into Waipahu, I started my job with Payless, and we bought Buffy and Dawn. It was kind of crazy busy when I got back so I felt like I didn't really have time to take a breath and deal with Sam's death. I took it out on James a little bit, but thankfully he's a wonderful man and understood. We went to his boat's Christmas Party where I also got to talk to Matt and kind of make-up with him too. He still barely talks to me though, but at least we were able to discuss what happened. James and I won a trip to Maui at that party too which we are going to take at the end of March.
We spent Christmas in Washington with his family. Our fist weekend we stayed at the Coeur d'Alene. It is a spa resort. It was wonderful. We got a couple's massage, facials, manicure and pedicures, and an eyebrow wax. I loved being there. It was what I needed. I got sick our last day at the resort so the rest of the vacation I spent coughing and sneezing. I was embarrassed. But he said his family liked me a lot so that's good.
New Years I went to Pearl Harbor with James since he had duty and we tried watching the fireworks though all the smoke from fireworks going off everywhere on the island.
January I spent primarily alone. James was underway for most of it. So he decided to send a friend out. I tried to get Sarah to come but she couldn't so, on a spur of the moment idea, I asked my friend Ashley to come. I met her at Lincoln College and I hadn't got to hang out or talk to her too much since then. We were chatting online and I asked her since I hadn't seen her in forever and I thought it would be fun.
I don't really want to get into too much detail, but long story short: she came with "next to no money" she claimed, and didn't offer to split any restaurant bills, help with gas, nothing. She just sat there and expected me to pay for everything even though James and I offered her a free flight and provided a place to stay. However, she did buy herself a shirt and wanted to get stuff from Border's, but she couldn't pay for her own meals or anything? Right. So I felt very used and hurt. She barely talked to me after I said I'd fly her here and she hasn't spoken to me since she left either. Great friend, right?
So I'm done with her same as I was after Krupa used me. I'm done with trash like that. If Ashley didn't have much money, she shouldn't have accepted my offer OR she could have warned me and asked if I could help her out. But she didn't warn me, she didn't ask, and she didn't say thanks.
Anyways. Things are going good now. James and I found a new place to live in Hawaii Kai. It is in a safer area, BEAUTIFUL, and I'm going to be closer to work. James leaves in May-ish for his 6 month Westpac, so I figured I might as well be close to work since he isn't here and we don't need to live near the base.
Well, that's about it. My butt is getting numb from sitting at the computer for so long so I'm going to go hang out with Buffy and Dawn and Amy (our pet rat!). Bonsoir!
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