Beginning of the End
(01:46:54) Ashley: You can't talk to me but you can run off to be online?
(01:47:03) Ashley: Good to know what your priorities are.
(01:47:14) My Love: Yes, I was checking email before I go to bed, how terrible.
(01:47:36) My Love: And it doesn't seem like talking because you just turn everything into another example of how I've failed you.
(01:48:16) Ashley: So instead of trying to listen to me to hear what I am feeling or what is wrong, you wallow in how bad you feel and run away when it gets bad. Well let me spare you the hurt. I'll take my space now.
(01:48:31) My Love: Yes, like that.
(01:48:38) Ashley: Obviously I'm too messed up to be in a relationship now.
(01:48:53) Ashley: All I do anymore is make people feel like crap.
(01:49:00) Ashley: So I'll be alone.
(01:49:10) My Love: You're not going to be alone, Princess.
(01:49:18) Ashley: Like hell I'm not.
(01:49:41) Ashley: No coming up to talk to me either.
(01:49:45) Ashley: You can stay down there.
(01:50:03) My Love: I don't understand why you're always so angry with me.
(01:50:13) Ashley: I'm not angry at YOU I'm angry at LIFE
(01:50:27) Ashley: And if you'd get your head out of your...head...you'd see that.
(01:50:50) My Love: It's easy to mistake it for being angry with me when you take it out on me.
(01:51:05) Ashley: Well, that's why I can't be with you anymore.
(01:51:14) My Love: What is so bad about life?
(01:51:39) Ashley: Lots of things I don't want to get into because then I'll cry and whatever.
(01:51:56) Ashley: I'm sorry, but I haven't been happy for some time and I can't make anybody else happy if I am not.
(01:52:18) My Love: I'd like to talk about why you're not happy.
(01:52:29) Ashley: You didn't want to talk to me before.
(01:53:16) My Love: Before you were railing against me for not knowing the exact proper things to do and then railing against me for not understanding.
(01:53:33) My Love: And whenever you do that I can't say anything that you don't get mad at me about.
(01:53:58) Ashley: Right, so now that you have proved my bad girlfriend theory, I'm going to be alone now.
(01:54:21) My Love: Princess, that doesn't make you a bad girlfriend.
(01:54:39) Ashley: Well, it doesn't make you happy.
(01:55:06) My Love: Not particularly, but it's not the only and defining aspect of you being my girlfriend.
(01:55:24) Ashley: You are not happy, I am not happy.
(01:55:39) My Love: I am not unhappy.
(01:56:01) Ashley: It doesn't sound like you are skipping through a field of wildflowers either.
(01:56:57) Ashley: Look, I'm probably just going to make you feel like shit even more and be even more bitchy. School is hard for me, life is hard for me, and maybe I should stop beating you into the ground for it. But truth is, I cannot make you happy right now, you have no time.
(01:57:24) My Love: What would you do if I did have time?
(01:57:39) Ashley: What would I do?
(01:57:43) Ashley: Nothing.
(01:57:46) Ashley: I hate doing all the work.
(01:58:13) Ashley: I want to be swept off my feet...I want the guy to take me by the hand and make life easier for me for a change.
(01:58:26) My Love: So all I've done is make life harder for you?
(01:58:31) Ashley: I don't want to be at the steering wheel all the time.
(01:58:49) Ashley: Did I say that? No.
(01:59:10) Ashley: I'm just saying...I'm very unhappy right now. It is not your fault.
(01:59:21) Ashley: I'm just depressed again and I'm not a pleasant person.
(01:59:24) My Love: But I'm not making you any happier.
(01:59:33) Ashley: You know what? No you are not.
(01:59:44) Ashley: But it is not your fault.
(01:59:58) Ashley: You are busy and in pain as you have said. You don't have time to make me happy.
(02:02:31) Ashley: sorry to bother you with my unhappiness. You can go to bed as you wanted.
(02:03:08) Ashley: I just prefer taking care of my depression alone. I just bring people down and lose them.
(02:03:31) Ashley: Hello?
(02:03:41) My Love: I'm here, just thinking.
(02:04:01) Ashley: Well, ok.
(02:06:27) Ashley: I guess I'll leave you alone now?
(02:06:48) My Love: Still thinking.
(02:07:04) My Love: I'm sorry that I can't do anything to help you.
(02:07:25) My Love: But I'd very much prefer not to get shit on all the time as well.
(02:08:40) Ashley: I know I'm taking it out on you a lot, but it is just that I expect a lot as well. I mean, sometimes I think you see me but you don't...or if you do, you don't even fight for me...you just let it pass. I'm just used to my boyfriend TRYING...like not taking "no" or not letting me walk away...and not letting me walk away shows me that he cares.
(02:09:13) Ashley: I'm not doing it to play games or test you, but when I am upset and I know you know I'm upset, you just accept it.
(02:09:18) Ashley: I don't like that.
(02:09:56) My Love: Every single time in the past when I've tried to pursue you when you're upset you've just gotten more upset with me.
(02:10:03) Ashley: Sorry to use the stupid comparison, but it is like you are on the boat and I'm lightning, and you just shrug.
(02:10:08) My Love: It seems like you put me in these situations where I can't win.
(02:10:42) Ashley: OK, you win, I suck, everything I'm saying right now is wrong.
(02:10:57) Ashley: You know what? I hate relationships. I'm done. I'm single now. Good night
(01:47:03) Ashley: Good to know what your priorities are.
(01:47:14) My Love: Yes, I was checking email before I go to bed, how terrible.
(01:47:36) My Love: And it doesn't seem like talking because you just turn everything into another example of how I've failed you.
(01:48:16) Ashley: So instead of trying to listen to me to hear what I am feeling or what is wrong, you wallow in how bad you feel and run away when it gets bad. Well let me spare you the hurt. I'll take my space now.
(01:48:31) My Love: Yes, like that.
(01:48:38) Ashley: Obviously I'm too messed up to be in a relationship now.
(01:48:53) Ashley: All I do anymore is make people feel like crap.
(01:49:00) Ashley: So I'll be alone.
(01:49:10) My Love: You're not going to be alone, Princess.
(01:49:18) Ashley: Like hell I'm not.
(01:49:41) Ashley: No coming up to talk to me either.
(01:49:45) Ashley: You can stay down there.
(01:50:03) My Love: I don't understand why you're always so angry with me.
(01:50:13) Ashley: I'm not angry at YOU I'm angry at LIFE
(01:50:27) Ashley: And if you'd get your head out of your...head...you'd see that.
(01:50:50) My Love: It's easy to mistake it for being angry with me when you take it out on me.
(01:51:05) Ashley: Well, that's why I can't be with you anymore.
(01:51:14) My Love: What is so bad about life?
(01:51:39) Ashley: Lots of things I don't want to get into because then I'll cry and whatever.
(01:51:56) Ashley: I'm sorry, but I haven't been happy for some time and I can't make anybody else happy if I am not.
(01:52:18) My Love: I'd like to talk about why you're not happy.
(01:52:29) Ashley: You didn't want to talk to me before.
(01:53:16) My Love: Before you were railing against me for not knowing the exact proper things to do and then railing against me for not understanding.
(01:53:33) My Love: And whenever you do that I can't say anything that you don't get mad at me about.
(01:53:58) Ashley: Right, so now that you have proved my bad girlfriend theory, I'm going to be alone now.
(01:54:21) My Love: Princess, that doesn't make you a bad girlfriend.
(01:54:39) Ashley: Well, it doesn't make you happy.
(01:55:06) My Love: Not particularly, but it's not the only and defining aspect of you being my girlfriend.
(01:55:24) Ashley: You are not happy, I am not happy.
(01:55:39) My Love: I am not unhappy.
(01:56:01) Ashley: It doesn't sound like you are skipping through a field of wildflowers either.
(01:56:57) Ashley: Look, I'm probably just going to make you feel like shit even more and be even more bitchy. School is hard for me, life is hard for me, and maybe I should stop beating you into the ground for it. But truth is, I cannot make you happy right now, you have no time.
(01:57:24) My Love: What would you do if I did have time?
(01:57:39) Ashley: What would I do?
(01:57:43) Ashley: Nothing.
(01:57:46) Ashley: I hate doing all the work.
(01:58:13) Ashley: I want to be swept off my feet...I want the guy to take me by the hand and make life easier for me for a change.
(01:58:26) My Love: So all I've done is make life harder for you?
(01:58:31) Ashley: I don't want to be at the steering wheel all the time.
(01:58:49) Ashley: Did I say that? No.
(01:59:10) Ashley: I'm just saying...I'm very unhappy right now. It is not your fault.
(01:59:21) Ashley: I'm just depressed again and I'm not a pleasant person.
(01:59:24) My Love: But I'm not making you any happier.
(01:59:33) Ashley: You know what? No you are not.
(01:59:44) Ashley: But it is not your fault.
(01:59:58) Ashley: You are busy and in pain as you have said. You don't have time to make me happy.
(02:02:31) Ashley: sorry to bother you with my unhappiness. You can go to bed as you wanted.
(02:03:08) Ashley: I just prefer taking care of my depression alone. I just bring people down and lose them.
(02:03:31) Ashley: Hello?
(02:03:41) My Love: I'm here, just thinking.
(02:04:01) Ashley: Well, ok.
(02:06:27) Ashley: I guess I'll leave you alone now?
(02:06:48) My Love: Still thinking.
(02:07:04) My Love: I'm sorry that I can't do anything to help you.
(02:07:25) My Love: But I'd very much prefer not to get shit on all the time as well.
(02:08:40) Ashley: I know I'm taking it out on you a lot, but it is just that I expect a lot as well. I mean, sometimes I think you see me but you don't...or if you do, you don't even fight for me...you just let it pass. I'm just used to my boyfriend TRYING...like not taking "no" or not letting me walk away...and not letting me walk away shows me that he cares.
(02:09:13) Ashley: I'm not doing it to play games or test you, but when I am upset and I know you know I'm upset, you just accept it.
(02:09:18) Ashley: I don't like that.
(02:09:56) My Love: Every single time in the past when I've tried to pursue you when you're upset you've just gotten more upset with me.
(02:10:03) Ashley: Sorry to use the stupid comparison, but it is like you are on the boat and I'm lightning, and you just shrug.
(02:10:08) My Love: It seems like you put me in these situations where I can't win.
(02:10:42) Ashley: OK, you win, I suck, everything I'm saying right now is wrong.
(02:10:57) Ashley: You know what? I hate relationships. I'm done. I'm single now. Good night
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