Everlong

I am indeed a greedy cruel-hearted bitch.

Well, not completely.

So. Anna turned down Clayton's date. She wanted to make it a group thing but told him that she wasn't interested in dating. Pretty much what I knew was going to happen and what I warned him of happening. I don't know. I was happy at the news because it meant he was still single. On the other hand, I'm also happy because Anna is awesome and all, but I don't trust her. She doesn't seem grounded. She seems to enjoy attention too much and that makes me weary of her faithfulness. I want better for him. I want him to be with me, but since that will not happen, I just want somebody who I can get along with great and who I can entrust his heart to. So, I guess I'm not really that greedy. I still dream and hope for him, but I'm not so blind that I can't see what the truth is and how things are going to be in real life.

Things with Nick are looking better. He finally talked to me. He still seems pretty quiet, but I'm hoping he'll get more relaxed. As I told Kaytie, if he doesn't talk much, I might have a problem with that. I enjoy men who are more open and that stimulate me verbally. If he open up more, I'll feel like he is ignoring me and isn't into me. I will lose attraction. But I am attracted now, I guess. He seems real funny, smart, cute...so who knows. I'm a bit shocked he is interested in me. All of his other ex-girlfriends are those typical preppy girls. I don't know...I'm still a bit insecure I suppose. I just wish I had time and resources to work-out and get back into shape.

I'm always real shocked if a guy is attracted at all. I mainly think that they just want to use me for a quick fuck and that is it. I always get flattered because I confuse that with attraction when really it is just them getting their basic sexual needs from me.

Sigh. Oh, and Travis is moving to Australia. Go figure. To be with that girl I was correctly paranoid about online. God that bastard made me feel so used. I got so excited with him. I wanted to be perfect for him. Wasted effort. Fuck men. Fuck them all. I never get the guys I love.

Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong...

...And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang

Breathe out
So I can breathe you in
Hold you in

Comments

Phoex said…
Travis sounds like a bastard :/

I hope Nick turns out alright
February 29, 2008 at 10:38 PM
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