Blog from 3/5/07

Private breath upon the window
Clouding the stars
Too strong to reach the cool caress
Too weak to shake the muddled test
Invest to pass the borders with breath
Fogging the emptied glass
Without a doubt he won't be scene
Past the text, laying between
What is real and just a dream
Private text upon a screen
Shielding what is ours

-----------------

I'm hoping this trip will allow for me to have some healthy downtime, to have time for thought and reflection on where I want to take my life. I feel like my future paths have already presented themselves. There will not be anymore choices that I can make. I've already gone over the list but I feel like I want to go over it again.

1. Stay (and suffer) at ISU
2. Drop out and work
3. Join the Navy
4. Marry Matt Byron (cause I think he might ask??)
5. Stop making these damn lists.

I'm probably going to stick with number one because it's the safest and the easiest. However, it is the one that makes me the most unhappy. I've already said all this stuff before. Why do I keep dwelling on it? I just need to relax. So, I may be living with Clayton this coming school year. That means living with 3 guys. The apartment is a decent distance away. Will I be miserable there too? If he says I can live there, I probably will. I can't say no to it. Maybe it will be fun. I just know I'll do better living on campus. We'll have to see.

I'm on the plane right now bound for Milan, Italy, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Traveling with Krupa, of course. We are going to stay with Katie in Florence. Dad gave me an extra $220.00 which I placed in my bra, which I somehow lost. Not a good start, but oh well.

God, outside my window it is so breathtakingly beautiful. I can see all the stars and the evening light reflecting off the clouds. I'm not going to want to waste a moment sleeping. I want to wonder around and savor every moment that I'm away from my normal life. The moon is so full and beautiful. I want to play my sad music and gaze up at it and weep.

I really hope Italy is as beautiful as I am imagining it to be.

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