I want you to love me like you did before you knew me...
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God, I am sorry to have abandoned you.
Please just let me die, Father. Please.
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Anonymous said…
Hi Ashley, I read your blog and I know how life can feel meaningless without God and that is because most religions are false but there was a real church in a real Jesus God came to the Jews for about 2000 years and he did everything he could to get them to be obedient to his word and keep his Commandments but they wouldn’t they kept twisting and turning things so they were destroyed in AD 70. And then there was a period called the dark ages and really there was no one preaching the truth. The Catholic Church was largely in control. Christians were murdered. There was a big battle between Catholicism and Protestantism but around I think it was 1907. The Holy Ghost was poured out again in Azuza Street in Los Angeles and people started receiving the spirit of God and the reason why that’s important is it’s a comforter for God‘s believers to have God in their heart to give him strength to overcome sin because without the Holy Ghost, there’s something missing in your life and it makes you miserable, but once you receive the comforter the Holy Ghost, you feel the love that you need to feel to live life and move forward anyway I just thought that I would respond to your blog because I read it and I felt your pain and I’ve been there. I’ve been there where I just wanted to die. I hated my ex-husband. He just made me feel worthless and I wanted him to die. I wanted me to die, but the Lord helped me to move past the pain and realize that that was just fear in my mind tormenting me. The Bible said God isn’t giving me the spirit of fear, but a power of love and of a sound mind and when we don’t have that piece of God, we can pray to him, and if you have the spirit, the spirit can make intercession with groanings that cannot be uttered anyway my dear, I’m gonna pray for you because I’ve been there and the Lord allowed me to see your post. I hope this gives you comfort dear.
Directions My Life Could Take (in no special order): * Drop out of college, continue working at Border's forever. * Drop out of college, move to Hawaii and let Matt be suga daddy * Join the Navy to get rid of debt and lose weight. * Stay at ISU, all the while being miserable, debt accumulating, etc. * Transfer to a different college and be miserable there. So far...everything sucks except for the Navy. It is the only promising aspect here, but it is the least one I really want to do. I dislike military. I dislike my life going where I did not want it to. But honestly, I'm tired of being in debt. I'm tired of ISU. I hate living off campus and having to walk or call a cab everywhere. I hate living with Krupa who is messier than fuck and doesn't clean up anything. I hate living with Christopher and him looking at me with those sad eyes. I hate my fucking bed that hurts my back and messes it up all to hell. I hate that Andrew is leaving. I hate everything. My li...
Dan and I had sex. The shocking thing is? He had only three drinks that night. At first we didn't talk about it, but finally we did tonight. During that night it seemed he was ashamed or such. When I asked him about that, he said he was unsure of doing anything because I had previously been complaining that stuff only happens when there had been drinking and he didn't want me to be upset about that. I asked him why, if he wasn't drunk, that he allowed that to happen and he said nothing, dodging the question. He asked me right back why I did it, which I also avoided. So overall: I still know nothing. Men, if you have any insight, please provide because I am confused. Here is what I think though. Dan is my roommate. There I am, slightly tipsy, kissing him. Is he really going to say no? No. Why? Easy loving, I suppose. Another roommate using me for proximity convenience.
My stomach is eating itself. I'm hungry. Dang it. I still have to walk all the way home from the dang library with tons o' stuff. I shouldn't wake up Christopher to drive me, considering it is 4:43 AM. Yeah, I don't believe he'd be too happy about it. Well anyways, I did all of my Art exams/quizzes online Monday night. So hooray for that. Tonight I finished my jazz presentation for Literature and the Related Arts. I'm still nervous about that class because I never turned in my Paper #1. Paper #2 is due Thursday and I haven't started that either. Shoot. I also have a Publishing paper due Thursday evening but that won't be hard. It's just a reflection thing. I might come out of this damn semester partly alive! I know I'm getting an F in Hypertext since the teacher was a douchebag and wouldn't let me make up shit even though I pretty much had my website done and it wouldn't have been hard for me to make-up the shit. Whatever. ...
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