I wish

​I would have died

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Directions My Life Could Take (in no special order): * Drop out of college, continue working at Border's forever. * Drop out of college, move to Hawaii and let Matt be suga daddy * Join the Navy to get rid of debt and lose weight. * Stay at ISU, all the while being miserable, debt accumulating, etc. * Transfer to a different college and be miserable there. So far...everything sucks except for the Navy. It is the only promising aspect here, but it is the least one I really want to do. I dislike military. I dislike my life going where I did not want it to. But honestly, I'm tired of being in debt. I'm tired of ISU. I hate living off campus and having to walk or call a cab everywhere. I hate living with Krupa who is messier than fuck and doesn't clean up anything. I hate living with Christopher and him looking at me with those sad eyes. I hate my fucking bed that hurts my back and messes it up all to hell. I hate that Andrew is leaving. I hate everything. My li...
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Dan and I had sex. The shocking thing is? He had only three drinks that night. At first we didn't talk about it, but finally we did tonight. During that night it seemed he was ashamed or such. When I asked him about that, he said he was unsure of doing anything because I had previously been complaining that stuff only happens when there had been drinking and he didn't want me to be upset about that. I asked him why, if he wasn't drunk, that he allowed that to happen and he said nothing, dodging the question. He asked me right back why I did it, which I also avoided. So overall: I still know nothing. Men, if you have any insight, please provide because I am confused. Here is what I think though. Dan is my roommate. There I am, slightly tipsy, kissing him. Is he really going to say no? No. Why? Easy loving, I suppose. Another roommate using me for proximity convenience.
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My stomach is eating itself. I'm hungry. Dang it. I still have to walk all the way home from the dang library with tons o' stuff. I shouldn't wake up Christopher to drive me, considering it is 4:43 AM. Yeah, I don't believe he'd be too happy about it. Well anyways, I did all of my Art exams/quizzes online Monday night. So hooray for that. Tonight I finished my jazz presentation for Literature and the Related Arts. I'm still nervous about that class because I never turned in my Paper #1. Paper #2 is due Thursday and I haven't started that either. Shoot. I also have a Publishing paper due Thursday evening but that won't be hard. It's just a reflection thing. I might come out of this damn semester partly alive! I know I'm getting an F in Hypertext since the teacher was a douchebag and wouldn't let me make up shit even though I pretty much had my website done and it wouldn't have been hard for me to make-up the shit. Whatever. ...
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