Addictive Dependant

I'm too afraid of fucking up things with Travis to enjoy this at all. I'm so paranoid of being hurt. I feel like it will not work out.

I don't think I'll ever fall in love. I don't think I am lovable. As I told Ryan, I don't think anybody would, or could, look at the real me and love it.

I just fucking hate myself. My life is nowhere where I want it to be. It is a fucking shithole. It's falling apart and I don't even know why I bother picking up the pieces. I have some stupid small hope that I'll fall in love, get married, find God again and have a happy-go-lucky financially comfortable life. I thought I could have that with Travis. He is successful, graduating, getting great jobs, but I am just so afraid. I don't even know what to do. He's so quiet nowadays that I feel stupid when I talk to him...like I'm some damn annoying dog who is barking and scratching at the door while the family inside rolls their eyes and yells, "Shut up!" Not that he does any of that at all, but my paranoid self feels that way.

Great. Now I stayed up late and will more than likely want to skip everything tomorrow. No classes, call off work. Just be at home...miserable.

That would be nice.

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